Savior

It’s fucking strange. Now that I have just started with my exams an old feeling comes back to me. It was strange, at first I didn’t even know what the hell it was.
It all started when I met her, it was one big coincidence that she came across my site where she read some stuff of me. When I saw her notice I was pleasantly surprised to hear that there was another soul out there that felt exactly like me. Maybe not at the same time but in some occasions. When I read how she praised my ability to express exactly what I think, I was very flattered and I just added her to my normal contact-list so that I could get to know her better and to ask what she would think of future stuff that I would write. Of course I didn’t have a lot of time to chat with her online but when I got online I didn’t even had to look if she was there because she came to me before I could even look. Nobody else did that to me since a long time, and I have my internet for quite some time now. So I was always happy to talk to her. She resembles me in almost every way. The more I talked to her the more I started to like her. Without knowing it she became special to me in a way that nobody else has been special for me. I can’t explain it I guess, she’s just like a female version of me but a little bit altered and way cuter. But still I stand baffled that we are so alike. I still don’t know very much of her but there’s plenty of time in the future. I would know more if I didn’t have those fucked up exams which are keeping me busy lately.
Those last couple of days were different. I was chatting with her but I had this strange gut feeling, at first it felt like pain and I didn’t know why but then the next day the feeling was there again. And not only when I was chatting with her. Even when I was sitting at my desk studying I had that feeling and I couldn’t really concentrate. The pain started changing and now it became an strange feeling which didn’t really hurt me but it was just weird.
Weird because I knew the feeling but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it what it was. But it didn’t really matter at that moment because I was making my first exam. Still it bothered me when I got out of that big place. I just walked outside and saw two classmates and I just went with them. When one of them asked me why I was so happy, even after such an difficult exam, I realized what that feeling was.
I was astonished by the conclusion. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t recognize the same feeling that I had about a year ago. But as I came to think about it, the match was perfect.
I was in love…
I knew she meant something special for me, but I didn’t realize how much exactly. I had told her more about me those last past days than most people that I know know about me. I didn’t really know what to do. Hell I still don’t really know what to do. I already got the number of her cellular and we mailed but I don’t really know if I should tell her how I feel about her. What if the feeling wouldn’t be mutual. Or what if she just wants to be friends instead of lovers. I could go and fuck it all up just because I’m in love with her. I haven’t even met her in real life but that doesn’t really bother me. She understands me directly when I try to explain something, she agrees with my points of view. She doesn’t really try to change the way that I am. I’ve never met someone like her. Someone who lets me be the person who I really am. Even with the little dumb details. Maybe that ‘s just because she doesn’t really know me yet ,but still…
When I was watching the sky tonight in my room I was thinking of her. About what she would be doing at that moment. So I just sent her a little message to let her know that I was thinking about her. And about the way that I felt that moment all alone in my room. Told her that I didn’t want to live life lonely. Some time later I received a message from her in which she mentioned that she exactly knew what I meant. Was it a hint? Did she get my hint? I don’t know and I can only guess at this moment.
I don’t know what to do. Maybe if she reads this she’ll understand that it’s about her. But will she be able to let me know how she feels? Damn sometimes things can be difficult. Life’s so fucking hard, and that’s so fucking true.