There’s been so much on my mind… I’ve been thinking for so long. So much interpretations and yet I’m searching in the pitch-black dark for the answers. I can’t seem to find them and you won’t give them to me. It’s been a while since everything started changing. I understood that it was important for you to take these studies seriously and devote yourself to all the work. And I understood that we would see each other less often but I never imagined it coming this far. Since we had our driving licences there was no more issue of distance and we studying in the same city seemed like a dream coming true. It all looked really promising but it never turned out the way I had hoped to. I wished every day that I would see you in Ghent but the disillusion was hard. Our hours didn’t fit and our schools were on the other end of town. I still skipped some classes just to be with you. To enjoy your smile and hang out, going for lunch at the Hema and walk around in town. I didn’t notice it at first but it looked as if you were drifting away from me. Around December I wasn’t allowed to sleep over in the weekends anymore which I still understood because I was thinking of your upcoming exams. I thought that everything would turn back to normal once those exams were finished. How wrong I was… Suddenly we saw each other once a week for a couple of hours if we were lucky. I still was deprived of rest with you and it always seemed that you wanted to avoid physical contact with me. You never held me anymore and we only kissed when we would saw and left each other. There was no more sexual relationship because there was no time or place for it. It went on for 9 months now and the doubt that resided in me just kept growing. Do you still love me? Or is it fading away like the sunshine after a beautiful day? I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this all. But I’ve never found the right place or time and I’m afraid of what you might say. If only I knew how you’re feeling. If only you would speak your mind and tell me what’s going on in your mind. Now it’s vacation for both of us and still you’re so busy with lots of different stuff and there’s still little or no time for us to be together. Where do we go from here? I refuse to give up on this relationship. What else can I do anything else than fight until my final breath for someone like you. I’d wait until the end of time just to be with you. Patience is a virtue, it’s hard but you get back what you put in…
Maybe I’ll have the courage one day to talk to you about all this. And hopefully we carry on from there to the bright future. The new sunset…
