Sometimes I wonder how my brain and unconscious mind works.
What actually triggers them to make me think and dream about certain people.
Especially these last few weeks I found myself trapped in thoughts and feelings of the past.
And I actually don't really mind reliving those.
It has given me much inspiration to write what I needed to vent.
Everything I wrote these past weeks revolve around this one person.
I lost most contact with her over the course of the past years. It is something I truly regret. But on the other hand I assume it was some kind of self-defense mechanism, shielding me from myself and everything that lives inside of me.
I know that might sound kind of weird, but I have always been somebody who retains loving feelings towards certain people for the rest of my life. I sometimes realize that I can't always try to forget what I have lived through in the past. Even how hard I try, it always resurfaces at one time or the other. Reminding me that I used to have a good life. That things weren't always as bad as they are now.
On the other hand it also helps me to see that sometimes I have to adjust my views on what I want. That the things I was always so sure of, are subject to change under certain circumstances.
But that's not the case now.
Not by a long shot...
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