I have always been carrying my past like bagage with me. I was afraid of losing it and forgetting what made me who I am today. I couldn't rid myself of the painful thoughts and wishes which made my life harder than it actually was. It closed me off from other people and the outside world in general.
I was always biding my time and hoping for someone to come knock on my door and drag me out into the brighter day. And all the while I saw everyone around me carrying on striving for happiness.
I had been blind and stuck for far too long but didn't have the willpower to do anything about it.
But than a few weeks ago I experienced some kind of epiphany.
I had managed to meet up with with the person which represented my past, the past I couldn't let go.
It had been ages since I had seen and talked to her, but her image had still lived in my mind for all that time. She had brought her significant other which was an old friend of mine and we really had a pleasant evening talking about everything that went on in our lives.
That evening I saw and felt how happy those two people were together. Even though they had their own hardships and problems, they were there for one another. And I understood finally that I could let my past go. I needn't worry about her anymore, because she had already made her life and was continuing to write it herself.
And so I lost a burden which I had been carrying for about ten years.
In the meantime I've been busy working on myself, becoming a more open person, a better version of myself. It's a slow process but there's progress nonetheless.
I'm no longer afraid of forgetting what I lived through, I still see it every day I look in the mirror...
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